It was a balmy night and about 30 of us went to Surry Hills to see Lee Harrington, a special guest presenter visiting from the US, who comes here every couple of years. He reminded us that last time he was here, he was a voluptuous, curvy woman, Bridgett, but has had surgery and the D-cups are gone.
He was teaching us “invocation and evocation techniques” for people who want to play roles: short-term or 24/7 as archetypes, ponies, dogs, etc.
He explained that invocation means “to draw in from outside” and evocation is to “call up from inside yourself”. “How do we do this? By using songs, smells, words, sounds, posture, clothing, the presence of a certain person, imagination.”
“People have favourite roles and can revisit, and invest and attach to them,” he said. “Some take it on 24/7. Daddy and little girl. Dog and master. Boy and Daddy.”
He mentioned a couple who do “age play” where the “boy” is a mature man but plays the role of a six-year-old who is “not allowed to use silverware”. And a couple who liked to dress up as 18-year-old teens and pretend they’re sneaking into a nightclub for over-21s.
He talked us through what you should discuss with participants first:
* Are you playing an archetype or re-enacting a personal painful memory or trauma?
“If people want to re-enact or use items that recall a traumatic scene of abuse for them, that’s fine. Don’t worry about being politically incorrect or wrong – if you spend your life carrying around 50 pounds of extra baggage, you might as well unpack it and use it sometimes.”
He said problems can arise when you aren’t conscious of where your preferences have originated and later you might remember it was from a negative incident.
He said warning bells start ringing for him when a player asks for more than three specific things to be included in a roleplay – eg. “Wear a checked shirt”, “Say these words”, “Strike me on the left cheek”.
“In these cases, it’s often a re-enactment of a personal painful memory or trauma. That can be OK if I know — otherwise, it could be above my pay grade. But they have to be upfront.
“Playing a role can be therapeutic, but it’s not therapy.”
* Compare lexicons to make sure you both are talking about the same types of archetypes. Eg. dogs: is it a fluffy, cute dog or snarly growly one?
* “How much do we emotionally invest? How deep do we want to go? Tonight or 24/7?
“One person’s whole identity and soul might be invested in service, which makes them very vulnerable. If they’ve cleaned something and you say, ‘You missed a spot’ this could trigger a deep wound that they’re still smarting about week later. You weren’t meaning to destroy their integral identity! This happens!”
* Be aware of the intensity of emotions that can happen during role-playing. Eg, someone who’s playing as a puppy for the first time might feel unbridled trust and joy in another person for the first time, emotions they’d tamped down. “Is it love or the roles? It might be a bit of both.”
* Compare the level of financial investment.
“If your partner invests in fur suits or a B&B that used to be an old jail, take note.
“If someone suggests a pony scene, one person might buy $1000 worth of equipment online and book a holiday near a field. The other might have envisaged a ‘just for tonight’ scene.
* Identify what’s a fetish and distinguish between the degrees of fetishism. “When they specify they want you to wear boots that are thigh-high or exactly cut off at the knee – that’s a fetish”.
The degrees are: partialism (“wear this and you’re attractive”), paraphilia (“if you don’t wear this, you’re less attractive”) and debilitating paraphilia (where your life functionability is impaired because you see the fetish and must drop everything and respond to the fetish immediately).
* You must have an exit plan for emotions – “You can sit with a feeling like ‘sorrow’ but it can drag you down and leave a bitter taste.” The exit plan is to have a good core identity, and set up anchors words, sounds, sights, smells or images that can make “coming back” easier.
“You can let your inner serial killer out for five minutes and then put it back in the drawer.”
