RHOBH recap, Season 3, Episode 3

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: Don’t Sing for your Supper

ISSUES: Hate how we’re teased throughout that LVP and Adrienne will meet up to discuss Adrienne re-telling a false fact that LVP sold gossip stories. Right to the end of the ep. Yet it’s held over to the next ep and not shown! FALSE ADVERTISING!

SCENE: Kim’s daughter’s prom

Kim seems to be making the saddest chicken salad ever, constantly crying with happiness as she soaks up her daughter’s prom day (the third and last of her kids’ proms). Kim didn’t have a prom, as she was a child star hanging out with teen throbs, like Leif Garrett, at Child Star School, where she says her prom was as exciting as saying “Pass the salt.” Noone touches the salad or sodas. She cries as she peeks out the window as her daughter leaves.

SCENE: Yolanda’s party

Yolanda and her butler meet up to discuss a dinner party where she invites the likes of Barbra Streisand, Baby Face etc. This time, the RHOBH are the guests. The house, 12,000 sq ft, designed by Y, is amazing, by the ocean. Menu: coconut shrimp, tempura avocado rolls, goat’s cheese in puff pastry, filet mignon, chicken in mustard sauce with portobello mushrooms. Y says she hopes the housewives’ hearts are “filled with love” (which all the housewives claim), but we’re guessing it’s going to go horribly wrong, as all RHOBH dinner parties do.

SCENE: (skipped a few boring scenes) Adrienne and Dr Paul: why they hate LVP

Dr Paul and Adrienne are hating on LVP’s comments about Adrienne’s shoe line (calling it Malouf’s Hoof) and dog (Crackpot/Jackpot). They want apology! But compared to what Adrienne said about LVP, hell’ll freeze over first.

SCENE: Yolanda’s dinner party

Y says she has extreme OCD — her home and fridge are all perfect with fruit and veg colour-co-ordinated! Nobody wants to touch anything. The food has prof chefs and looks like it’s from a restaurant. No macaroni and cheese here! No, it’s Prawn tempura with roasted quails egg and scallops.Salad: watermelon with buffalo mozzarella, mango coulis and balsamic glaze and shaved parmesan on top.

A world-famuz trumpeter says he can’t get botox around his lip area or he can’t do his magic.

Y’s husband grammy-winner David says he hates frou frou and that not enough women know how to be homemakers today (probs cos they’re out working to pay mortgages).

He plays his fave song he’s ever written, Look What You’ve Done to Me, from Urban Cowboy.

Tay gets tipsy and Y hates how she’s messing up her perfect party by dredging up tacky stuff about Brandi being a slut again, and cries when David plays sad (probs non-copyrighted) old tunes: Amazing Grace and Danny Boy, with amazing singers. Tay is obvs still recovering after her violent hubby did himself in last season, leaving her and her young daughter alone and in a precarious $$$ situation – she should have had time off from RHOBH but maybe needed the income.

Bravo should do a breath/drug test before letting anyone on set, as it’d be better to see honest, non-booze addled interactions.

Best quote: David: “I hate frou frou, I hate frou frou, I hate frou frou.” Whatever that is.

Worst bit: No showdown btw Adrienne and LVP.

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RHOBH recap season 3, episode 2

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: The Higher the Heel, the Closer to God

MAIN ISSUE:

*Adrienne keeps slagging off LVP for not instantly forgiving Adrienne for saying Vanderpump sold stories for $US20,000 to Radar Online (or something like that). Seems Adrienne and Camille were misled by someone at Radar who told them this. Radar has apologised for any misunderstanding. Everyone’s on Vanderpump’s side, as LVP can’t afford to be selling stories in her line of biz (hospitality). Everyone’s lucky LVP hasn’t sued. So they should pull their heads in.

SCENE: Kyle and Adrienne go kids’ clothes shopping

A teensy girl’s dress for a whopping $US311!

Kyle raises the LVP question as she wants no dramas at her kid’s birthday party. Adrienne can’t wait to get some passive aggressive digs in at LVP, so slags her off as petty,  “immature” etc.

Kyle, who is loyal to whoever she is hanging out with that minute, totally agrees with Adrienne, then says in a narrative cutaway the opposite, that she thinks Adrienne owes LVP an apology.

SCENE: At Tay’s “ungated” place for Mexican food

Dr Paul Nassif criticises his wife, Adrienne, for never pigging out. Which seems bizarre behaviour, from a doctor. Why publicly humiliate and pressure anyone into eating more?

Then he comments on Taylor’s weight and says he’s glad she’s added 10 pounds. Surely he could comment on other topics at a dinner party?

Tay asks Dr Paul and hunky Mauricio to walk a mile in high heels to raise $$$ for domestic violence survivors.

SCENE 3 Adrienne and Dr Paul go high heel shopping

They cheat and buy platform moon boots.

SCENE 4 Yolanda bigs up her supermodel daughter Gigi

Ex-supermodel Yolanda turns up to her daughter Gigi’s photo shoot for Guess. Gigi says she’s going to pig out at a party, and Y tells her that’s OK but get back on a diet the next day, especially since they like the models skinny in Milan. Y says she hates Stage Moms, but then tells the makeup artist to do rounder eye makeup so Gigi doesn’t look Chinese (!) and makes suggestions to the wardrobe guys on what will flatter her daughter most. Y tells Gigi to make enough $$$ to buy a flat, despite Gigi’s Dad being gazillionaire Mohamed, who has the biggest house in BHills.

SCENE 5 High heel race

Mauricio accuses Paul of cheating by wearing platform boots, not heels. Mauricio’s toes feel crunched. High heel-wearing women around the planet laugh at their discomfort.

Paul and Adrienne slag off LVP to everyone and we have no idea why Paul and Adrienne expect an apology from LVP.

SCENE 6 Portia’s birthday party

Kyle promised Portia, 3, a flying white unicorn, but instead the Event Planner (clearly not Kevin Lee, as he would have managed it, “It has to be Over the top, Fabulous!”) it’s a brown pony wearing a pointy party hat. LVP turns up for a minute before heading off to a wine tasting at Villa Blanca, thus avoiding Adrienne and Paul.

Kyle is so disappointed there won’t be a showdown btw LVP and Adrienne, so she says she’ll hold a dinner mid-week for it. LVP says she’s not interested in a big-scale dinner drama and wants Kyle to butt out.Am totally sick of Kyle trying to mimic LVP’s accent – boring after 2 seasons of it! Get a new joke writer, grl!

Brandi’s having an anxiety attack cos none of her “go to” friends are there. She leaves soon-ish.

Kyle says it’s a shame the adults are acting more childishy than the kids, which is bizarre, as Kyle loves stirring up trouble. Maybe’s she’s changing this season into Peacemaker Kyle.

Taylor says hi to everyone except Brandi, who criticised Tay for getting confused about “public” and “private” issues. Tay fails to grasp that stuff she says on telly is in the “public” arena.

“I’m One Of A Kind” KIM ARRIVES! She sensibly refuses to answer quez about her “gay bull mastiff” ex, who she seems to have split with. Love Kim and her journey to Recovery.

Tay seems under the weather and spreads a nasty quote, out of context, that Brandi claimed she’s slept with every guy in BHills. It was a joke, Tay, and if it wasn’t, it’s none of your business, doing slut-shaming!

Adrienne slags off LVP, saying she’s very “high school” and someone “so busy”should have “moved on”.

BIGGEST MANIPULATOR: Adrienne

ANXIETY ATTACK: Brandi leaving after a few secs at Kyle’s kid’s party.