Cotton Ward

After ABBA’s appearances at Glastonbury and singing at William and Kate’s Royal wedding, the busy singer Agnetha Faltskog — who usually loves silence and sitting quietly amid nature — is rumoured to be attending the opening of ABBAWhirl in Australia. Oh, and the rest of the group is coming, too!
ABBAWhirl, an intimate exhibition of an Australian fan’s recollections, is rumoured to have asked Agnetha the mandatory ABBA question on the occasion of her recent 60th birthday: “Will you ever reunite?”
Agnetha allegedly replied something in Swedish, which we translated as: “Of course, I’d love to come to the opening of ABBAWhirl! I haven’t discussed this with the other members yet, but I’m sure they’d be thrilled to come too.
“I have a feeling that it would be great to come together and talk a little about old times and maybe do a performance together. But that would only take place once. At ABBAWhirl!”
Agnetha also allegedly said she finally felt able to fly to Australia, as she had undergone therapy for her phobia and had recently flown to Majorca with her family, three hours of flying!
She confirmed she would definitely wear her favourite leopard-print jumpsuit and fluffy pink ostrich feather wrap she was recently photographed in for M magazine.
As for gourmet pleasures, Agnetha told M magazine: “I gladly eat a sticky bun every day and I’m a total icecream monster.”
ABBAWhirl promoter, Cotton Ward, said Sydney fans could provide “plenty of sticky buns and icecream” for ABBA’s visit.

DANCING QUEER (to the tune of Dancing Queen)

You look like Stig, you sing like Bjorn

Posters stuck up on your wall,

Ooh oo-ooh, money gone, buying records

The winner takes it all.

VERSE 1

Tuesday night in the UV light

Nothing better to do tonight

Let’s go down to the Flinders

Where the dancing’s great

or is it the amyl nitrate?

ABBA’s biggest mistake of course

was when they all got a quick divorce

Frida met a Swiss pri-ince

Bjorn married a blonde

Agnetha felt deeply wronged.

CHORUS

But you won’t let that worry you

when you meet ABBA fans

dancing queens, in our disco pants.

Choosing sides, Anna or Frida?, is our biggest rant, ooh yeah!

You look like Stig, you sing like Bjorn

You’ve memorised all the words,

You oo-ooh know the steps, every move

Everyone thinks we’re nerds.

VERSE 2

It’s hard to figure out all the mess

A complicated game of Chess

Will they get back together?

Will they come out here?

Don’t hold your breath, my dear.

CHORUS

But you won’t let that worry you

when you meet ABBA fans

Always searching for the next piece.

ABBA fans, buying up every re-release, ooh yeah!

You dance like Frida, you dress like Bjorn

You dream of meeting them too

Ooh oo-ooh go overseas, bump into them

They won’t want to speak to you.