Cotton Ward

NSW public transport

I hate how it takes a full hour to travel only 3km in Sydney to get to my workplace in Pyrmont.

The parking is hugely expensive too – $20/day at Star City Casino.

The State Govt should get its act together on public transport before it discourages cars. We’re all time poor so who can spend an hour to travel 3km?

This problem could be fixed by a bus running down King St Newtown directly to Pyrmont.

The Inner West line to the City is also stuffed – there’s a 20-minute wait between trains at peak hour! Incredible.

You’re not even allowed to drive electric bicycles either – which is insane considering how hilly Sydney is.

ABBA reunion for ABBAWhirl opening?

After ABBA’s appearances at Glastonbury and singing at William and Kate’s Royal wedding, the busy singer Agnetha Faltskog — who usually loves silence and sitting quietly amid nature — is rumoured to be attending the opening of ABBAWhirl in Australia. Oh, and the rest of the group is coming, too!
ABBAWhirl, an intimate exhibition of an Australian fan’s recollections, is rumoured to have asked Agnetha the mandatory ABBA question on the occasion of her recent 60th birthday: “Will you ever reunite?”
Agnetha allegedly replied something in Swedish, which we translated as: “Of course, I’d love to come to the opening of ABBAWhirl! I haven’t discussed this with the other members yet, but I’m sure they’d be thrilled to come too.
“I have a feeling that it would be great to come together and talk a little about old times and maybe do a performance together. But that would only take place once. At ABBAWhirl!”
Agnetha also allegedly said she finally felt able to fly to Australia, as she had undergone therapy for her phobia and had recently flown to Majorca with her family, three hours of flying!
She confirmed she would definitely wear her favourite leopard-print jumpsuit and fluffy pink ostrich feather wrap she was recently photographed in for M magazine.
As for gourmet pleasures, Agnetha told M magazine: “I gladly eat a sticky bun every day and I’m a total icecream monster.”
ABBAWhirl promoter, Cotton Ward, said Sydney fans could provide “plenty of sticky buns and icecream” for ABBA’s visit.

Dancing Queer

DANCING QUEER (to the tune of Dancing Queen)

You look like Stig, you sing like Bjorn

Posters stuck up on your wall,

Ooh oo-ooh, money gone, buying records

The winner takes it all.

VERSE 1

Tuesday night in the UV light

Nothing better to do tonight

Let’s go down to the Flinders

Where the dancing’s great

or is it the amyl nitrate?

ABBA’s biggest mistake of course

was when they all got a quick divorce

Frida met a Swiss pri-ince

Bjorn married a blonde

Agnetha felt deeply wronged.

CHORUS

But you won’t let that worry you

when you meet ABBA fans

dancing queens, in our disco pants.

Choosing sides, Anna or Frida?, is our biggest rant, ooh yeah!

You look like Stig, you sing like Bjorn

You’ve memorised all the words,

You oo-ooh know the steps, every move

Everyone thinks we’re nerds.

VERSE 2

It’s hard to figure out all the mess

A complicated game of Chess

Will they get back together?

Will they come out here?

Don’t hold your breath, my dear.

CHORUS

But you won’t let that worry you

when you meet ABBA fans

Always searching for the next piece.

ABBA fans, buying up every re-release, ooh yeah!

You dance like Frida, you dress like Bjorn

You dream of meeting them too

Ooh oo-ooh go overseas, bump into them

They won’t want to speak to you.

Adventure Island — usual closing lyrics

Usual end theme song:

You’ve got to go home now – you’ve got to go away but please come back tomorrow and help us save the day.

We’ve got a terrible problem and we don’t know what to do, so we are hoping that tomorrow we can count on you.

We won’t let anything happen until you tune us in. Perhaps your kind suggestions will help us all to win?

The Baddies are causing trouble which is nothing new! And we are hoping that tomorrow we can count on you.

We’ve sat around and puzzled to try to fathom out — the problem that besets us, now what’s it all about?

So please come back and help us, this is what we ask. Help us beat the Baddies please help us in this task.

We’ve tried all that we know now, we need you to pull us through.

And we are hoping tomorrow, that we can count on you – and you – and you – and you.

That we can count on you.

http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/2768636.html

How great Thou art: Jesus statue ‘desecrated’

An installation artist is disappointed a group of traditional Catholics bought his sculpture of Jesus portrayed as an Iraqi resistance fighter, repainted it and said prayers to pay for the insult.

Traditional Catholic, Ronan Reilly, 17, explained: “The image of the Sacred Heart is sacred to us, and we believe Jesus is God, so it’s not fitting that Jesus is displayed as an Iraqi terrorist. For these reasons we repainted the statue and made reparation for what was done.”

Matthew Rochford, a Marxist and former Catholic, said he was “disappointed”. “Why did they view my work as such an obscenity that they needed to buy and destroy it? I’m sad it doesn’t exist any more.”

“Their Jesus is pale and boring. I can’t believe they painted over my dynamic and exciting Jesus.”

The sculpture was one of 33 lifesize fibreglass statues of the Sacred Heart of Jesus which were commissioned by World Youth Day organisers for an outdoor exhibition. Organisers chose artists to create works that would encourage “an interactive dialogue”. The sculptures were later auctioned, with proceeds going to Father Chris Riley’s Youth Off The Streets.

The Catholics raised $2200 and had 20 people praying at St Mary’s Cathedral while the auctions were happening, Mr Reilly said.

“We were able to purchase two – the Iraqi one for $1200 and another one that was covered in tree sap for $1000 – and restored them.”
Mr Rochford’s sculpture had been set up at the Darling Harbour Convention Centre and was wired with flickering LED lights and a battery-powered radio that played white noise.

The flag was a combination of the Iraq, Aboriginal, Afghan and Palestinian flags and it had a women’s rights symbol painted on the heart. “My Jesus was cool,” Mr Rochford said, “a fighter for the Iraqi resistance said for people in occupied lands who have no option but to resist oppressors, for Aboriginal people, women and eccentric hot-pink nailpolish-wearing people who reject gender binaries and like to cross-dress.”

Mr Reilly said that some of the Jesus Walks sculptures had “alarmed many Catholics”. “The image of the Sacred Heart was called a ‘blank canvas’.” He said this overlooked the context of the original image, which represents when Jesus appeared as an apparition to a 17-Century French nun, Sr Margaret Mary, and said: “This is the heart which has loved men so much and gets little love in return.’’

The statue is now in a Church piety store when it’s not being used at Catholic processions and events.

Mr Rochford said: “It’s sad that anything a little provocative or deviant must be wrong. Jesus challenged the status quo, while these people are just returning to blind respect for tradition.”

He said the Jesus Walks exhibition was “one of the few events of World Youth Day that challenged people”. “No one should have a monopoly on the image of Jesus. There’s enough conservatism and traditionalism in society already. Why go back?”