XMAS PICNIC: Sat down (two hours late) in the middle of Vic Park with a huge tofu salad, but no buns/cutlery/plates! Bottles of drink but no cups! Rang around and got someone to bring them.
“You smell nice.”
“I washed my face and changed my socks. Didn’t shower, though.”
“I’ll take my wheelie bin to the CAAH same-sex marriage rally. It has a huge stereo and you can carry a 3ft pirate radio antenna off it. But I’ll need help, I’m not carrying the 3ft antenna by myself.”
“In some non-western societies, the elders initiate the children into sexual activity – it’s accepted.”
“I like watching Sydney schoolboys loosening their ties on the bus.”
“Yeah, let’s go cruising for schoolboys!”
“I have a public announcement – three people living in the same house have got crabs since the Sex Party. So check yourself and take care of yourself.”
“I don’t have them.”
“Shall I include that in the minutes?”
“Yeah!”
“How long is the life cycle for crabs?”
“A few weeks – dunno.”
“My mum got a $400 fine for smoking at Strathfield railway station. Even the cops were surprised at the fine. They had a prosecution statement! The magistrate threw the case out.”
N banging frantically on a toilet door: “Quick! Open up! We need some toilet paper – it’s an EMERGENCY!!!”
“What?”
“I spilled Coca Cola all over the amps.”
“They’re still working – it can’t be THAT bad!”
“I don’t want to be consumed for someone’s PhD or film project.”
Nathanwi: “Consume me! Consume me!!!”
“I was OK with being the drug runner at QR. But now people I don’t even know keep ringing me all the time for pills. What should I tell them?”
“Everyone thinks I’m a total dork. I’m teased cos I like cooking. And cos of my art – doodles, really – and cos I like the Wombles.”
“O said he’d give me a blowjob tonite.”
“Don’t worship DJs – anyone can be a fucking DJ.”
The Great Debate: F was given five minutes to convince us to go to the Newtown Hotel instead of the Impy. Why? “Cos it’s the only pub that has Shout to the Top by Style Council on the jukebox.” She lost, and it turned out the Impy had it on the jukebox too.
“I use Gaydar but get too many replies that just say: ‘I want to be your girlfriend’. They could at least invite me out first!”
– “Yeah – I had a girl on Gaydar who emailed me saying: ‘I think you’re cute – I’ve downloaded your pic and carry it in my wallet’.”
– “Freaky!”
QR Bar volunteers: “We only sell cola by the cup.”
“But I want it in a can!”
“We could wash out a tin and pour it into that.”
“Let’s get a contingent for the Down-to-Earth confest. Be close to nature. There’ll be no toilets – pee where you are and poo into a hole in the ground.”
“I’m doing a thesis on Christianity and gayness. It’s about eunuchs. Jesus advocates same sex relationships as the highest form of loving.”
“Did you know [the Virgin] Mary was raped? And she was terrified by the angel.”
“I got a book from the Scientologists that says you can make a drunk person sober by pointing to objects and making them name them. By directing their attention. They even claimed it worked for drug users!”
– “If a drunk person was driving and you had 10 Scientologists in the car, pointing things out, they’d probably make it home OK. Like – ‘there’s the steering wheel’, ‘there’s another car!’, ‘there’s a lamppost’ …”
“I don’t want to live on this planet anymore. I want to go somewhere where everyone’s nice.”
Cotton Ward 